You want to know what I'm scared of?

I’m fairly comfortable with dangerous things: guns, large machines, war. What scares the shit out of me is a kitchen mandolin. I don’t even like making eye contact with the motherfucker. Someday it’s going to jump off the hook it lives on and trim my fingernails to the second knuckle. If it wasn’t such a useful tool I’d throw it in the river. Nah, I wouldn’t do that. It’d probably cut ten fish in half on the way down. Don’t even make eye contact.